Morgan

Welcome to AD, Lorenzo. You'll find this place pretty friendly. If you're after politics, may I recommend https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/prime-ministers-office-10-downing-street

Now you come to mention it... Getting back into the swing of posting on an internet forum is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First you must pluck up the courage to get going. Find yourself a suitable subject and let your imagination run wild. Despite what people might say, everyone loves it when you get a bit adventurous. Once you've laid down your best ideas, try and form a bit of structure (if it’s been a while, this may take a little longer than usual). Don’t neglect to wax lyrical throughout your piece – this will undoubtedly help as you get to the end and start to dry up. At the point where you’re sure you have nothing more of value to give, reach a rousing crescendo and finish with a trademark flourish. A quick flick of the wrist should be enough to sign off appropriately, ensuring your target audience gets a good view of the finished product. And remember, Fox Hat, no matter how many hilarious asides you've posted on the internet, Swiss has posted more. Many, many more.

Go for "B", and ask for a discount, hinting heavily that you'll use them again in future if they do a nice job for you.

What, without a vote? Bloody mods on this site, doing what the hell they like, without consulting the membership. Diabolical sodding liberty, if you ask me. I've got a good mind to... ... Oh right, er, carry on.

Good to have you back, Fox Hat.

Welcome to AD, Chris.

Welcome aboard the good ship AlfaDriver, Stephen. As has been neatly said recently, we're "The Alfa forum owned and run by its members".

But... Oh, forget it.

Borrow it.

So, orgigeorgie... What you're saying is that you like big butts, and you cannot lie?

You know that Dr. Dolittle fella? Well, I'm nothing like that... I don't actually talk to them.

Did it look like a frog, but was tight like a toad?

This is basically porn for Biggy.

Insurance companies never give you their best price first time around. That'd be like asking a car dealer for the best price he can do for you on a new car. There's always the "dance" to do.

Were you wearing sandals/flip flops? If so, you deserve everything you get, ya big girl!

I'm coming up on the Saturday. And I'm taking lots of drugs to ensure I'm not ill in two days time.

Looking forward to seeing you lot again. My guts need to settle down first, mind you. Don't want to get into TMI territory, so I'll leave it there.

Ah, OK. Ta.

Man walks into a car dealership. Man: "I'm a total bastard, what have you got?" Dealer: "Well, I have some lovely Audis and Mercs..." Man: "I really am a horrible, horrible person." Dealer: "Ah, you'll be wanting a BMW, then." Man: "Sounds more like it, what have you got?" Dealer: "I have a lovely 5-Series here." Man: "Listen, I pushed an old lady over the other day." Dealer: "Right, you'll be needing an X5." Man: "I don't think you understand, I punched a 7 year old girl in the face yesterday." Dealer: "In that case, I have just the car for you - the X6." Man: "Excellent! Does the sat-nav know where Poland is?"

I KNEW I'd seen NB's car somewhere before! Good spot, K9d and Gaz.

Welcome back, munkster. To clear a few things up: 1) It's Bimmer (Anjenha's totally right). 2) Correct. I do have a heightened sense of self-importance (though, to be fair, I had that before I had a BMW). 3) I am a walking stereotype (ditto the above... I don't think the BMW made it any worse ). Sometimes a car just fits the person.

What area did Tony cover before he resigned?

Welcome aboard the good ship AlfaDriver. PS: I'm not actually the captain of the good ship AlfaDriver, but it goes nicely with my name.

Similar, Smaky. Similar.